Even A So-Called 'Perfect' Has His Flaws

What I Feel

Memories made was all that remain
Time and space frozen between a frame
Thoughts are pondered and filled with pain
What is passed can't be claimed
Tears are drained down memory lane

To Be Found

Like a lost child,
Fate has brought us together to be found.
Like a forgotten dream,
Reconstructing its fragments back into memory.

Being with you makes my troubled thoughts go tranquil.
You sooth my discord pulse into serene.
Being with you filled the insecurities in my loveless self--

-- I felt safe.

But at the end of the day,
It's like an ending of a Romance Drama.
We don't know where or how long our fate will bring us.
Either our scrip leads us to a Happy Ever After,
Or a devastated disaster.

Dearest

I am so fond of you
How lovingly I cherish you
Thank you for entering as the dearest of my life
For as long as it still burns, this bond together we strife

Both My Wira Ketua (Arif) and Wirawati Ketua (Intan) and OUR Bravo Flag

Wira Terbaik (Jiji Delta) and Wirawati Terbaik (Intan Bravo)

Took a Picture with Penghulu

Took a Picture with Leftenan

Bravo Melati

BP MT 01 - Intan (Ketua, Kakak)
BP MT 02 - Umai/Myra (Sajian)
BP MT 03 - Me (Ghost)
BP MT 04 - Aina (Haha she looks after me)
BP MT 05 - Kissna (Pengecualian)
BP MT 06 - Alya (Mak)
BP MT 07 - Victoria (Penolong)
BP MT 08 - Shazlin (Missing DP ML LOL)
BP MT 09 - Sherot (Hilarious)
BP MT 10 - Eira (Aty's Kembar Siam lol)
BP MT 11 - Mira (Hyper twin)
BP MT 12 - Syu (Loves cuties)
BP MT 13 - Yeun (Facial advisor lol)
BP MT 14 - Ain (Hyper twin)
BP MT 15 - Stacy (Jie2 but Mei2 at heart)

Beauty in a Rainbow

Life is so simple like an endless rainbow. The ends are always unknown but in between the colours are varieties in life. There are some of your favorite colours and there are colors you don't favour. Just like the people, places or things that goes in and out of your life. Hopes is as high as the cloud, accompanying beside you near the rainbow. If you remember it's presence, your goal and dreams will achieve! Never give up because each day the sun beams for you to brighten your path. Just like the birds that sings to bring music to your ears from all the hectics in life.

Lonesome

Loneliness aroused around me,
Cornering me by its glares.
Filling my soul with doubts,
Was there anyone who cares.
Emptiness blinded my sight,
The darkness overpowered me, i'm scared!

My Heart Ache

Bitter wail and sorrowful cries,
Tears hail through red tired eyes.
Under a decree I am forced to go,
The hands of my beloved sadly I let go.
Parting ways with the dearest of my life,
Is like a slow slit across the heart, made by a blunt knife.

Don't be a Murderer

Please keep on smiling for your smile is very important to me. If you were to kill that smile on your face, your whole self dies along with it.

It is like living without daylight or months without rain. You'll murder the sunflowers and butterflies growing in my heart.

Don't prison away your smile under a mask like as if it's a crime. Because it would mean concealing away something very precious to me that brings anticipation to look forward to another day.

Absence

Absence make the heart grow fonder,
Silently alone sitting and ponder.
Memories compelled me to deeply wonder,
Is there no other way to extend our journey longer?

Absence

Absence make the heart grow fonder,
Quietly sat aside alone to ponder.
Memories compelled me to deeply wonder,
Is there no other way to extend the journey longer?

Significance

Even though one by one my precious are leaving my side, through death or separation, just one meaningful significance is enough to melt the coldness on my shoulder. A place to silently lean on for comfort from all the suppressed agony. The joy was repaired from deadly sorrow by just One.

But if You were to disappear along with them... Whom shall I cast aside these deafening cry deep in my heart?

Unexpressed Feelings

I can't express myself freely to others what I suppressed inside.
Will I mislead them to unwanted feelings?
Or will our bond grow sour?

What if I did express myself...

All I know is...

Jealousy, negativity, bitterness and envy will continue to grow deeper like an endless pit.

Emotions Subside

The bottled feelings you cast aside
Is now oozeing out slowly
Like thick crimson blood.
Bitter emotions plainly subside
Every light touch on your fragile soul.

Remember Darling

You're just another memory i'm forced to forget.
All my sorrows and pain are washed away in my tears.
The smiles I fake mask the frown on my face.
The laughter I force pours out the sadness I kept inside.
Remember Darling, you let me go.

Merdeka!

Each word has it's own meaning. Don't read it blindly.

Imma Happy Lil O' Rascal

I'm on the bottom left with hands on cheeks. Hehe this is me in National Service. So fun <3

Fireflies

Beaming little fireflies,
Reflecting your brown eyes.
Hovering in thin air,
Teary eyes wearily flared.
Glimmering their blinking glow,
Deep's your sadness, don't let it show.

Strangers

I see strangers passing by,
Every step gets my hope high.
What i'm hoping for is not there,
Where is it? I don't know where.
That one floor we share,
The same row right there,
A pretty distance we're quite aware.
Can I see you for the last time before I leave?
I know my reason you wouldn't believe.
I can't say for sure that it's true.
But deep inside my heart fell for you.

Secret

Every hint hidden behind a word,
What is it you're suppressing from blurt?
Each secret overflowed with hurt,
Every sentence spoken by you was heard as an absurd.

I'll Miss You

I'll miss your presence even though you're near me but as though invisible.
I'll miss your scent that annoys me whenever I do your dirty laundry.
I'll miss watching you eating my cooking even though you wouldn't show it even if you enjoyed it.
I'll miss your smile and laughter even though I've only seen it whenever you're talking around your friends.
I'll miss the time spent talking to you even though it's a sentence or two.
I'll miss the time watching you pray because most of the time you're away.
I'll miss your pampering and spoiling whenever you had the time during the weekends.
I'll miss that warm hug you gave me for the first and the last time on my un-celebrated birthday.
I'll miss your wet kisses on my cheeks whenever you leave the doorstep, goodbye.

Red or Blue Frosting

I can't seem to make up my mind.
Thoughts rushing through my head.
Which ice-cream should I buy?
I hope daddy's not mad.
If he knew that I lied.
Because his favorite is red.
I don't want it cuz' there's flies.
Certainly I'll be dead.

Empty Vessel

My heart heavy laden,
I can't feel my pulse.
Heavy blood collected burden,
Breaking up my walls.

Veins drained and swollen,
Each limb slowly grow numb.
An empty vessel broken and fallen,
The life flowed through me is now gone.

Your Bestfriend, Caffeine

Thick Smooth Coffee,
Slick on the tongue.
Sweet Alluring Aroma,
Pleasant to the nose.

It Keeps You Sober
Throughout the draggy days.
That never seems to end
With it's shaggy ways.

Slyly It Pretends,
To be gentle to your soul.
Unknowingly,
It puts up a show.

Devoured By Each Sip,
It weakens your bones.
Like The Cunning Tempter,
Deceiving you by it's outward appearance,
Luring you into bitterness.

It's An Addiction As Drugs,
You'll crave for even more.
A Slow Agonizing Death,
Is all you'll gain
By depending on it.

Endearwing's Diary: Freedom Key

6 August 2014

Yesterday afternoon, I was pacing around in the lobby. Suddenly, I spot a cute little key on the floor. It was near the public phone where I found it. No one was around so I picked it up. It doesn't seem damaged so I kept it safe in my pocket. When I went home, I turned it into a necklace.

My aunt told me it's a 'freedom key'. The kind of key that we normally get after we turn 22 years old.

EARN EASILY WITHOUT MUCH EFFORT!!!

Watch my ADORABLE ASIAN friend explain to you how to earn money easily in sign language! With subtitles. You just need to follow these few simple, quick and easy steps within minutes!

Requirements: Smartphone.

Essie's YouTube

;) Boys likey cute girls, don't they?

Two Companion

Together along the pavement,
Under shadows of gold leafy trees.
Strolling hand in hand,
Breathing in cold air breeze.

Like smooth silky honey,
Two companion sweet to the soul.
Like paired wings of a bee,
Half a heart joined into whole.

Furrow Brow

Peace of mind you stole,
allow venom through my veins.
Furrow brow all my days,
was all that remains.

Tranquil River

Tranquil clear river,
Streaming endlessly through its depth.
Trusting gravity to bring,
where ever rest may be.

Passing through wooden logs
and the greenery bank.
White little mushrooms,
Clinging onto the side of the log;
Viewing its reflection on the surface of the stream.

Yellow and red tulips,
Paved harmoniously along the bank.
Acknowledging its presence,
Along the cool calm breeze.
Dragonfly rest idly,
On its dew-collected leaves.

Huge Oak trees observing quietly
as the birds sings.
Little linnet gliding down,
either for a bath or a drink.

The sun gradually set,
dispersing magenta from gold.
At the end of the day,
The stream continually to flow
where ever gravity brings.

Frail Emotions

Moments spent, leaving nostalgic.
Later present, moans in tragic.
Fraction of feelings leaving a trail,
Ever meaningful, fickle and frail.

Slowly caught up, in deepest wonder,
Throughly alone, sitting and ponder.
Discarding emotions, may soon grow fonder,
Avoiding hospitality, lingers longer.

Sweet Honey

Sighing a long breath,
Muffling under soft pillow.
Whispering a name,
Of a long forgotten fellow.

His name reminded me,
Of wooden made gallows.
Sweet words made of honey,
Before true character, surfaced shallow.

Bloody Love

Shard of heart carved into two,
Deeper the cut caused by you.
Every slit made by your love,
Caused me more pain than deserved.
Through the shard I could see,
All you think of was 'me'.
Trust was created between us,
Only to be filled by your lust.
Secrets you hid behind your smile,
Was all but a big fat liar.

Hold On

Far apart, distance long.
Between us created a bond.
Hostile heart, made fond.
How long can we remain strong?

May we meet, if we truly belong.

Uncertain Melody

An uncertain melody playing within my heart.

I'm caught humming during the day,
I hear my heart chiming during the night.

The pace pathetically increase by a sudden pulse.
Why does it flutters along that unknown rhythm?

Like a missing note,
my heart skipped a beat.

I gradually grow excited;
The brightest smile pave across my cheeks,
Reaching towards the tip of my earlobes.
A smile so wide it exposed my teeth,
Causing my lids to collide.

Eyelids and cheeks rise awfully puffy,
Creating wrinkles beside my temple.
The feelings held inside are dearly fluffy,
Despite being the strongest organ,
It is easily trampled.

How long will the music lasts?

Virtual World

Virtual world is like an isolated space.
The only place where memories replays.
Like an eternal capsule,
It never fades.
Like a saved game,
time awaits.

Let not your time be all to waste.

Missing Light

Searching endlessly, for a light,
to fill in the emptiness of a heart.
The warmth of the day or light of the night,
can never be compared to your dearly presence.
Countless stars isn't enough to fill in the lonesome within.
Glittering wide eyes,
once filled with undying sparks.
But the day you left,
was like glass shattered into million pieces.
You were that abundant light filled in our hearts.
Hopes and dreams ripped away,
along with your presence.
Lives and future crushed,
by that silly little mistake.
Memories of us innocent little souls,
are forever scarred.

Dearest Lamb

Dear sistren, may thee rest in peace.
All thy sufferings are replaced with life.
I'll be at ease, to know you're together with our Father in paradise.

But am in despair to the only lamb whom have I yet known.

Where are you, O dear brethren.
Day and night I thought of you.
You wonder the earth, questioning your identity.
It aches me as you grow without the embrace of His love.
Thy genuine blood are in good health and in existence.
If you're in good hands, it comforts my heart.
Should your everyday are showered with unfailing love.
If, it is according to His will and plan, shall we meet someday.
Shall it not be on this dreary earth, may it be in paradise where we live eternally in everlasting life.

Knight and Soul

You walk out the house in shining armour,
Concealing all emotions firmly under.
Acting the role as a charming knight,
Neglecting the things you felt deep inside.

Charging to war on your armored steed,
Defeating your foes with your righteous lance.

Rescuing the oppressed
from their mourning cries;
Showing that you cared and love,
you gave away your limited time.

Lending a hand to the poor and needy;
Embracing the sorrowful
with compassion and sympathy.

Nothing is more valuable,
than their beautiful soul.

Your Presence

My heart skipped a beat,
whenever I feel your presence.
Image of you burned,
deep down in my memories.
Every breath I take,
it yearned for your affection.
The scent of you let out,
and overwhelmed me.
Every move you made,
makes my body shiver in ecstasy.
The tiniest gap between us,
ached me, from within.
I've never imagined to experience
such desire.
I'll grow greedy for your attention,
even greedier for your love.

Look at nobody else, but me.

Last Memories: Catherine's Silent Cry

I felt a prick in my heart,
As if struck by countless dart.
How it throbbed in sorrow;
I need you, in all my tomorrow.

Undergoing temptations and trial;
My face hidden, under a black veil.

Clear vision turned blurry,
Nose flushed pink and puffy.
Tears streamed across my cheeks.
All I could think of - was a deep sleep.

The rain mourned for her death.
In our black attire,
we bade a tearful farewell.

My throat tightening,
causing me to breathe in difficulty.
Choking by my own saliva,
breathing was made harder.
Suffocation and hyperventilation;
I've never felt such intensity.
I held my breath tight,
sealing my lips with gloved hands;
Hoping my best to be unheard.

I fell on my knees facing her tombstone.
The frills on my dress,
now splattered with dirt.

"Please, don't leave me."

Cherished Moments

Tendencies we cling onto bitter-sweet memories,
are greater much often.
Rather than to dwell towards unknown present,
We dwell onto past forgotten.

Spacing out on sweet moments we shared together;
Wishing upon a star for another chance to gather.

It's always a bliss
for those sweet ones;
These moments could last up
for months.

It shades the face
with a smile so fonder.
A smile that could drift
his surroundings much wonder.

After awhile,
we sigh in despair;
The wild bitter ones
come out of nowhere.
All that was left
was memories of us pair,
Seek no darkness and beware.

Doing this
could leads us to an end;
Knowing very well
time waits for no man.
Cherishing the moments,
as soon as it began.
Till the story ends
with a 'The End'.

Sometimes it haunts
into our unconscious, deepest dreams;
Wouldn't it be lovely if it wasn't
so gleam?

Akmal's Poetry

Anger is like a blazing fire,
Burning all the patience inside,
Blazing with it's untouchable flames,
It destroys a person completely with no remorse,
Nothing can extinguish this fire but you,
My love.

- Akmal Hakim

Short Story: Bloody Chick!

  I turned over the question paper. Suddenly, my mind went blank. I could not concentrate from all the distractions. 'Sigh. I studied about this last night!' I wished the class wouldn't have to be dead silent.

  It all started last week, it was a gloomy dark night. The lightning struck across the sky. It gave out a blinding flash of light. The impact was so loud and strong that it shooked the house. I could just feel the vibration under the sole of my feet. After that, the rain poured like there was no tomorrow. I was home alone waiting for my family to come back. They paid a visit at Granny's place back in Singapore. I didn't tagged along because I would be having my trials next week Tuesday. I stayed at home to study instead.

  I glanced at the clock and read the time. It was already 11:00p.m. What. That was fast? I thought I saw seven a moment ago. Like they always say, 'time flies when you're having fun!' Well, it's not all fun for me at all. I am stressed about up coming trials which was only around the corner! I flung the papers aside and said, "I can't take it anymore! All those stress is making me hungry." Then I went to the kitchen to make myself desserts. Haha. Get it? When you're stressed, you make yourself desserts. I mean.. desserts and stressed are the opposite of each other.. Nevermind.

  Hmm.. Not into sweets. I change my mind. Maybe I'll make dinner. As I was chopping the chicken, I heard a loud knock on the door. It went Bang! Bang! Bang! I was so frightened by the knock that I screamed and dropped the chicken on the floor. The chickens blood stained my clothes and its blood oozed out and made a puddle on the floor. I took the knife with me as a weapon in case a theive tried to break in from the front, thinking that no one is home.

  Then I went to get the door. I opened the door slightly slowly while holding the knife close to my chest pointing upward. As I opened the door all I saw was pale faces. My family was terrified at my appearance and screamed in horror. Their limbs turned numb and red faces  discoloured into pale. One of them fainted, which was my aunty. Then my brother said to me, "Jeanelle!!! What have you done?!" Then I said "Nothing?!" Then my dad said "Why is there blood all over your clothes?!" Then I said "I was cutting halfway until I heard the door knock!!!" They said "Cutting who?!" I said "The chicken!!!" They all went dead silence. Then I was confused. Then my dad said, "Just get the grill open, we have to get your aunty inside." Then my brother hold onto her legs and my dad on the other side lifting her underarm. They nealy drag my aunty all the way inside.

  After a few hours later my aunty woke up in a shock screaming "Jeanelle killed somebody!!!" There was a long silence and then we broke in laughter.

:-P From one of my old essays. Edited. My English teacher laughed at me when she hand back my papers.

Last Memories: Counting Down - Ten Years

  I could not believe my eyes when I saw her at my doorstep.

  When I was an adolescent, I had fallen very ill. The illness was unknown among doctors and scientist. Dr.Bennett said my antibody could not contain the drastic changes and was constantly breaking down. There was no solution to my illness. The doctor estimated that I left only ten years, to live. Due to my illness, I no longer able to pursue further studies and have been resting in bed for the faintest hope of recovery. All my friends I once known soon forgotten about me and stopped coming over to my house. Before I knew it, I was all alone.

  As I reminisce the bitter-sweet memories I had with my loved ones, I felt a great sting in my chest.

  Unexpectedly, memories of my neighbour, came to mind. I knew her since childhood. Memories of her came rushing in, occupying my every thoughts. Her name is Catherine. We met during the second month of elementary school. I was just a transfer student, a nobody. I heard she was a popular kid who never failed at acing, not even once. But for a popular kid like her, she seemed all alone. We had Drama class and everybody scattered around like ants. They want to be partner with their friends. We ended up being the only ones without a pair. Our teacher decided it for us and we seemed like an odd couple. I could somehow sense eerie glare around us. The teacher gave out our assignments and each one of us will receive a different topic. The topic of our assignment was 'The Robot Butler'. During the time spent in that assignment, it created a bond between us. We became best neighbour and friend since then.

  Every recess, I would rush down the stairs to meet up with her in the school cafeteria. She would always share interesting stories she read in the public library and brought lunch from home for the both of us to share. She would always say cheerfully, "Here, try this chocolate cake! My mum made it. Say ahh..". I must say, her mother is an excellent baker. Her mom makes the best brownies!

  Memories flashing again. During high school, I remembered the time we fought over a silly misunderstanding. We ignored each other for nearly half a year! But that issue was soon resolved after we stumbled each other in the tennis court. We took out our anger on the tennis ball until we were drenched in sweat. The skin of the ball peeled a little after she made that last swing. It flew so fast, I missed it. It smashed into my face. I was out cold. Those were the juvenile days. This caused me to well up with tears. It streamed across my cheeks, flowing down my neck, dripping onto my chest. The spot of tears increased in size.

  Oh, Catherine. How I missed you so.

  One winter, Catherine's parents phoned my family to inform that they would be flying to England. Her dad got an increment and was called in for immediate transfer. The company provided food, vehicle, lodging, everything! They need not to worry about a living. Her flight departure was tonight because by the time the aircraft land, it would be morning. I felt sad that she had to go. We drove together to the airport to see them off. I told her all my misses and love. I took a long glance at her while she gripped onto my palm firmly, yet tenderly. Slowly, I let her go. She gave off a faint smile. We bid them farewell and I never see her ever since.

  It felt colder than winter. I felt nausea and collapsed after that.

  I woke up with a hazy eyesight. I glanced around capturing the image of the surroundings. My eyes regained its sight. "Tha--this isn't my room", I spoke in a hoarse whisper. I could barely speak. My body ache like an old rusty junk. It felt like I had been sleeping for a thousand years! "Why is there a transparent mask on my face?", I thought to myself. I felt a warm presence beside me. I took a glance and found my mum. She was sleeping soundly at the bed's edge. Her head on top of her crossed hands while sleeping in a seating position. Her eyes seemed wrinkly, puffy-pink. "Where's dad?", I wondered. "Where am I...", I said while rubbing my head.

  My mum was startled by the nudge I made. She rubbed her eyes and yawned "Oh, good morning hun--!", She gasped. Her eyes widened, jaws dropped. She spun around her chair towards the door, yelling, "DADDY!!! GET IN HERE!!! SHE'S AWAKE!!!" Then she turned back and hugged me forcefully. It was so tight a grip that I could hear my bones crack. "Mum.. You're hurting me...", I grunt. "Oh! Sorry, honey!", she said shifting away. My dad barged through the door like the man he is and rushed towards my direction with stomping feet. For a second there, I thought I saw hulk. "Sweetie!", He said hugging me trice the agony in my bones than mum's while shedding a tear or two. "Oh gosh not agai--uf! can't.. breathe..", I said as I gasped for air. "My bad!", he pulled away. He cupped my cheeks pecked deeply onto my forehead. "We're glad you're back.", They said in unison.

  The room was soon occupied with nurses and Dr.Bennett. The tingle on my forehead still tickles. I can feel bruises growing on my arms.

  I can see the look in their baggy-panda eyes. My parents told me they were worried sick. They thought they had lost me. They mentioned something about me being 'asleep' for nearly five years! Well it did felt like a thousand years.

  My parents explained that, after we got back from the airport, I told them I would be going upstairs to rest in my bedroom. But they knew very well that, that was not it. As I trailed up the stairs, my mum saw that I was behaving very oddly. She noticed my torso was swaying obviously from side to side. My left hand tensed on the wall, my right clenching on my head. Shortly after that, I fell tumbling down like a huge boulder. I hit my head on the edge of the stairs. It tore my tissues open. Blood gushing from the wound like a spilled cotton milk. Mr.Bennett, the doctor who is monitoring my health since I was admitted, mentioned that by November 9th if i'm not awake, they decided to turn off the oxygen gas supplier. He said I was lucky. Any deeper to the brain, I would have lost all my memories - forever. I was still in a daze by then. With a wink of an eye, I black-out.

  Maybe losing my memories, isn't that bad.

  Slowly opening my eyes, I regained consciousness. I gave myself a good stretch. My mum was beside me, peeling an orange with a knife. I sat up straight. "Do you want some, dear?", She said with a smile. "I dreamt eating one of those", I said chuckling. I faced towards her and opened my mouth then she fed me.

  One week later, Dr.Bennett unwrapped the bandage off my head. He told us I could be discharged within a couple of hours. They just need to get my parents signature and we are good to go. My mum packed my stuffs into my luggage and placed it on the table. Finally, I could go home. The hospital felt more of a cell rather than paradise. Mr.Bean preferred it better there.

  I felt like a helpless toddler with unstable balance. My parents treated me like a feeble and delicate child. My dad parked the car in front of our house. When we went inside, nostalgia hit me - hard. Faint memories surfacing back. One by one flashing back into existence. I could hear her chuckling laughter lingering in my head. The flowery scent of the house was overwhelming. I dread with fear. I ran straight into my room and wept bitterly. I locked the door shut behind me so that no one could come in. I hid myself in the closet and that is where I lay asleep, in my tears.

  Only time could mend the wounds in my heart. I discarded every memento I had with her.

  As the Countdown striking towards its end, my health was worsened. I was bedridden. My bones and muscles are of no use to me now; I felt so helpless. Oh, how I wished I could just rest in peace without experiencing all the aches and pain. Needle and water bag penetrate all over my arm. My arms swollen with water. Lying in bed idly, waiting for my moment to come. All I could see was a bleak future lurking around the corner. I prayed for happiness - and long life, to all the people I have and had known. I shut my lids and took a deep breath, releasing desolate sigh.

  I was startled by the creaking sound, followed by a familiar voice. I glaced at the door... I could not believe my eyes when I saw her at my doorstep. Many seasons passed, my time is up. I soon breathed my last breath, wishing I had a little more time.

"i'm sorry", she said.